are you so shy because you have an std?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
