I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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