I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
