More tranny stories later!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
