Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
