Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
