No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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