from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
