I want to stick my p in your. b.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
