it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
