Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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