Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im part way to drunk.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
