Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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