Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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