It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
