This is not my ceiling
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I pour the whiskey from now on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
