Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
