your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
