You're completely useless in the revolution.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
