rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
