she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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