Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
