i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
