How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
