yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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