So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
