The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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