I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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