He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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