I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
