Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize