My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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