I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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