Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
