Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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