remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
