the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?