At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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