Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
