i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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