did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
