Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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