I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
