why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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