the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
