R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
