I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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