her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
