You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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