good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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