Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
