He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
