i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need moral support for this bender
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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