Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
