fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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