He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
