the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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