life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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