After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
