the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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