I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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