I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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