but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
