It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
