My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
