Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
